Wednesday, August 28, 2013

milSO Shaming

Since I’ve started blogging I’ve found some wonderful blogs to follow along with.  More often than not one of those lovely ladies will post about something someone recently blurted out to them when they found out they were a military spouse, and either the conversation that followed, or the irritation they felt later due to the comment.

And I sat here, behind my computer screen telling myself “self, if someone does that to you, you’re going to be just fine.” (By the way, the screen is totally still broken and has me looking at it at all sorts of weird angles because apparently finding a back cover to replace the current broken hinge piece for this model is akin to locating the lost city of Atlantis or Nessie floating around in Scotland ::insert desperate sigh and angry face::) 

Well, someone did it to me recently, and I am just fine, but it put me into a relative funk… Allow me to relay the feeling of what I am now calling “milSO shaming.”  (You know, like all those pictures people put up of their dogs with a hilarious sign around their neck about how they got into the cabinets and ate all of the peanut butter… just like that.  Here, here’s a picture.  Oh, and please go over to for a laugh, I think this is just hysterical!)

So as I was finishing up an epic mound of necessary paperwork recently, I got blindsided by some milSO shaming that went a little something like this:

Overseer of paperwork: “So your husband is overseas with the Army right now?”
Me: “Yes, he is!”
Overseer of paperwork: “How much longer is he over there?”
Me: “Well he just got through the first month, so about another eleven or so to go.”
Overseer of paperwork: “Oh, that must not be easy.”
Me:  Awkward glance.  Pause.  Pause.  “No… No it’s not easy.”
Overseer of paperwork: “So when did you get married?”
Me: “About a month ago.”
Overseer of paperwork: “Oh, so you’re still honeymooners, how sweet.”
Me:  Stunned face.

Ummmm.  Not sure how to follow that one up.  I mean I know what they were getting at, but we never actually took a honeymoon.  As you all know, we got married rather quick before FM left, and we spent that night together in a local Marriott, so we could get up early the next day to do DEERS paperwork, and six days later he was hopping a plane to Seattle for his connection  overseas.  We’ve been married only a week longer than he’s been gone, and as of yet, haven’t really been too bothered by that factoid. I mean, I miss him obviously, but I’m not dwelling on FM’s absence so I don’t make myself nutso. So honeymooners?  I don’t think so.  More like legally married but separate boarders carrying on an adult relationship as best as possible.

But I completely get all of your milSO frustrations now.  Up until this point, I never gave our situation much thought, or contemplated how others would look at our relationship (frankly, I don’t really care).  I never figured others would attempt to shower us in pity.  I HATE pity. Actually, I LOATHE pity.   

I know, deep down, that people are trying to be nice. Or sympathetic. Or maybe they just suck and want to point it out out loud so they feel better about their own relationships.  But whatever the reason, the feeling is the same I’m sure.  It’s like being slapped with a giant wet pool noodle and then expected to continue swimming on with the conversation as normal.

Or some pizza. Either way.
I don’t want to think about missing FM.  So I try not to. And when you make me, I don’t particularly care for it.  So thanks, if you were trying to give me a pat on the back or a little skip in my step to make me feel better, stronger, or more optimistic, but you can keep it and your comment, to yourself because now you just made me sorta sad and a little mad at the same time.
And I’m sure this won’t be the last time that I face the heinous response to FM’s job choice, so I’m just going to go ahead and come up with some great retorts to be totally prepared for the next milSO-slap across the face. 

Until then, let’s spread the word on anti-milSO shaming, and try to be considerate and understanding of one another’s relationships and what might make for awkward conversation or otherwise hurt feelings!!

What’s the worst milSO shaming experience you’ve had?! How did you deal with it?

OH PS. As I was writing this, I was getting so irate that I totally ate half a bag of cheddar cheese rice cakes.  So much for Fit and Active and only 70 calories.  Make that more like 240 with the amount of servings I had. Sad face! 

But they're so delish you should go
out and eat some too!

Oh, and as an update.  Since this event, I have been the recipient of two more occasions of milSO shaming.  One exclaiming "you poor thing," and the other simply beating around the bush about how sucky it must be.  From 0 incidences, to 3, all in one week.  My average is starting to go down like A-Rods! 

Have a great Wednesday all.  Try to avoid that milSO shaming.

And check out Wildcard Wednesday too! 
Wildcard Wednesday


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