Wednesday, September 25, 2013

(L)ima(D)elta(R)omeo Communication

Last week FM and I tried something we don’t normally attempt.  No worries, you’re not going to have to make the kids put on their earmuffs or shield your eyes, it’s nothing super exciting.  We just tried to talk during the week.  With a 13 hour time difference, it’s pretty hard to find just the right space of time when both parties are not only free from work, but not involved in something else.   Weekdays are usually just not an option for us.  But we gave it a whirl…

FM and have never had a real communication issue. We pretty well know what makes the other cranky, and the words we need not use for fear of being targeted by heat seeking missiles emanating from the other’s eyes!  Sure there have been times we haven’t seen eye to eye on things, like why he “needed” a new snowboard in July, or how I can’t go to bed without the dishes being done and he could not care less if there weren’t a dish left to use in the apartment, or my obsession with bags and scarves.  But it was all minor until the Army conversation rolled around, and, well, we see where that lead us, and you’ve read the whole story behind that.  (oh, you haven’t!? It’s a pretty good one, you should check it out here.)

But this particular day FM had just finished a rough day of leading some training exercises, so he was frazzled and not thinking, and I was about to settle down for a long Winter’s nap Fall sleep, and was less than in the mood for a thought provoking conversation, which made it just about time the 11:30pm train from Worryville came rolling through unexpectedly…  He excitedly starting telling me about some of the job options he was considering post-tour, and let me tell you, it send my steam whistle a-blowin’!

When he joined up, and we finally reached mutual ground on how we would go forward with this military life, we made it pretty clear that there would be no more surprises here.  He wouldn’t accept any positions or even get to thinking about taking them until we fully discussed it, just like I wouldn’t run off and join the Peace Corps without first consulting him.  Partnership, marriage, trust, that’s the way things go, right? 

Well I’m happy to report, that is exactly how things went.  Having that conversation with him, even though neither of us was really in the frame of mind to have it, and talking about things that clearly scared the buhjesus out of one of us (that would be me), would have been a pretty big disaster fight in the before time, where either side would have refused to cave.  Now… Peace. Civility. Sense.

It is beautiful. Seriously. Beautiful!

It took 7,000 miles to reach this point, but we have done it! And I’m sure this isn’t the last conversation we will have about the future, our involvement with the military, the places and jobs that scare the ever-loving-h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me that I will never agree to, or where our lives are leading us, but I know that we’re on a great path to understanding one another and how to navigate this new Army and married life.  Even if that’s all we take out of this yearlong hardship tour, I’ll be a-ok with it, but I’m sure we stand far more to gain than we have to lose, and we’re just 2 months in.

Oh, and for FM when he reads this (because yes, he reads this little blog) thanks for marrying me 2 months ago! 

I hope you all have or soon find similar reason and understanding in your relationships, military or otherwise.  It really has entirely changed the dynamics of our partnership entirely!


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